Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Count it up, guys and girls. The American taxpayer subsidized $450,000,000 in bonuses for the executives responsible for the failure of AIG, I suppose, as a way of saying 'thanks' for playing such a central role in this financial mess. Thanks a buck-fifty from every man, woman, and child in the USofA. Have you coughed yours up yet? If you don't, those brilliant execs might get upset and threaten an early retirement or something. But we really need their smarts over there at AIG, and God knows they gotta pay for those primo wax jobs on those Bentleys. Make sure Grandma forks it over, k? Oh and tell her to just set aside a ten spot actually cuz I've got a feeling we're gonna be rewarding a few more companies' failures before this is all over. What? Her savings just evaporated cuz Wall Street gambled it away? Oh well, I'm sure your Dad can cover her. What's that? He just got laid off and is filing for chapter eleven because he can no longer afford those medical bills his insurer found a reason not to cover? Hmm, well I suppose you can borrow from your kids you haven't even had yet. Oh wait, does Social Security even exist anymore? Look here, my friends: these guys planned their Tahitian getaways long before they burned the house down. Let's all just call China and ask them for some dough. Oh, each of us owes them well over three grand already? Aw then they wont mind if we each borrow a quick twenty bucks more. We can toss half to make sure the rich stay rich and use the rest to celebrate over a box of Samoas.